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Apple's Steve Jobs: I'm Not Dead.

by January 05, 2009
Im not dead yet!

I'm not dead yet!

With all of the talk that emerged last year about the health of Steve Jobs (the iconic and dynamic figurehead/CEO of Apple Computer, in case you were living under a rock or just beamed here from the planet Quigzmar) - it's no wonder his absence from this year's MacWorld Expo sparked a fresh round of speculation is circling the nets. Steve Jobs missing a MacWorld Expo? That's like Santa Claus skipping Christmas. Well, this week Steve emerged to inform his adoring fans that he's not dead yet.

Steve claims that he has had a "hormonal imbalance" which his doctors diagnosed and which has been responsible for his very noticeable weight loss. The dramatic weight loss was first publicly noticed June 9th of last year at the unveiling of the new iPhone. Speculation (some comical in nature) ensued that ranged from bulimia to a cold, to the return of his bout with cancer some years ago. Certainly that last one seemed to strike fear into the hearts and minds of Apple Shareholders the most.

Speculation was compounded when Bloomberg News accidentally published an erroneous obituary for Jobs in August last year. Oops.

What is Apple without Jobs at the helm? We don't know, and that's the point. Apple Shareholders are a bit unnerved by the whole uncertainty of it and whether or not Steve Jobs in indeed speaking the truth about the condition of his health. The whole bout of speculation reminded me of the popular "I'm not dead" skit from Monty Python. If that skit were applied to Steve Jobs it might go a little something like this:

Apple Shareholders: "Here's one."

News Media: "That'll be ninepence."

Steve Jobs: "I'm not dead."

News Media: "What?"

Apple Shareholders: "Nothing. There's your ninepence."

Steve Jobs: "I'm not dead."

News Media: "'Ere, he says he's not dead."

Apple Shareholders: "Yes he is."

Steve Jobs: "I'm not."

News Media: "He isn't."

Apple Shareholders: "Well, he will be soon, he's very ill."

Steve Jobs: "I'm getting better."

Apple Shareholders: "No you're not, you'll be stone dead in a moment."

News Media: "Well, I can't get any news out of that. It's against regulations."

Steve Jobs: "I don't want to leave the board."

Apple Shareholders: "Oh, don't be such a baby."

News Media: "I simply can't report that."

Steve Jobs: "I feel fine."

Apple Shareholders: "Oh, do me a favor."

News Media: "I can't."

Apple Shareholders: "Well, can you hang around for a couple of weeks? He won't be long."

News Media: "I promised I'd be at Brisbane this afternoon. I hear Monster Cable is suing a children's hospital for copyright infringement."

Apple Shareholders: "Well, when's your next round?"

News Media: "Thursday."

Steve Jobs: "I think I'll go for a walk."

Apple Shareholders: "You're not fooling anyone, you know. Isn't there anything you could do?"

Steve Jobs: "I feel happy. I feel happy."

[The Reporter glances up and down the street furtively, then silences Steve Jobs with the quick whack of a Microsoft Zune]

Apple Shareholders: "Ah, thank you very much."

News Media: "Not at all. See you on Thursday."

Apple Shareholders: "Right."

Of course, we're not making light of anyone's death, or the health concerns of Mr. Jobs as he battles whatever it is that is ailing him. What's interesting is the dynamic of a company so intrinsically tied to one man and the lack of preparation that seems to be taking place to hand over the reins once that iconic figure is no longer to man the helm. Will Apple be prepared in that eventuality? We'll have to wait and see.

 

About the author:
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Clint Deboer was terminated from Audioholics for misconduct on April 4th, 2014. He no longer represents Audioholics in any fashion.

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Recent Forum Posts:

Phil Taylor posts on January 07, 2009 15:38
phlakvest, post: 505766
Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

You are correct Sir - how could I forget that? I knew LoB didn't seem quite right…
phlakvest posts on January 07, 2009 11:39
Phil Taylor, post: 505307
That also reminds me of Monty Python's “Bring Out Your Dead” scene from - was it Life Of Brian? — “I'm not quite dead yet… I'm feeling much better now” …

Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

I like how all the articles about the mac show mention their new (remake of an old) 17“ macbook in a footnote.

Almost every article I have read is ”Steve Job's blah blah blah… oh and there' s a new 17“ macbook”
abjonesiii posts on January 07, 2009 11:15
I personally like Jobs and love the products he has brought us. I've owned at least a dozen PCs, on my desk at work is a Toshiba and a Gateway laptop running on 28“ Dell monitors so i do use windows extensively and can honestly say I hate them. But gotta make the best out of what the company gives me. My MacBook, PowerBook, and Imac at home blow away any PC I've ever used. The form and functionality can't be beat. My Powerbook from 1999 is still as crisp and fast today as when i first bought it, incidentally none of my Mac's have ever crashed, frozen, or not worked perfectly not even once with absolutely no maintenance.

And please lets debunk the thought of ”you can't do anything on a Mac“ 15 years ago maybe, but today this myth is propagated by those to stupid to use a mac still clutching to the familiar Windows because anything different that requires a bit of relearning has got to be ignorant.

Gates and Windows to deserve props though for strategic placement and quickly gaining market share. But this is not surprising because as any audioholic can tell you that in the rise of technology the vastly superior product is never the one that seems to ”win" and be largely adopted.

Apple without Jobs at the helm? I'm sure they'll be fine. Surely there are enough like minded folks running around Mac HQ that they can continue the legacy.

* as a side note its the introduction of all the third party crap that pokes most of the wholes in Windows.
Closed proprietary = quality control

Not to insinuate in anyway the Microsoft and Windows are evil or total junk. They do a lot and many love them but they're just not the best of whats around. I do however love my Xbox 360, thanks Bill!
ratso posts on January 06, 2009 19:28
love the whole page of making fun of someone's health then putting ‘of course we’re not making light of anyone's health'..
Phil Taylor posts on January 06, 2009 15:15
That also reminds me of Monty Python's “Bring Out Your Dead” scene from - was it Life Of Brian? — “I'm not quite dead yet… I'm feeling much better now” …
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