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Twas the Night Before an Audioholic's Christmas...

by December 04, 2005

Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house

Rumbled five-point-one DVD-audio from Strauss

The system all calibrated with the utmost of care

To demo for St. Nicholas who soon would be there

The children lay sleeping all snug in their beds

With soft foamy ear plugs stuffed into their heads

And Ma with her mudslide and I with my beer

Had just settled down for some holiday cheer

Then all of a sudden there came such a clatter

I sprang from the couch to see what was the matter

I scrambled for the remote in a hurried flash

And down on the eject button my finger did mash

The display flickered once then started to glow

And across the thing something started to show

When what to my startled eyes should appear

But an EPROM failure as I looked on with fear

Then it sputtered and beeped and made a loud click

I started to sweat and I felt kind of sick

I pushed 'eject' once and out the tray came

But I knew by the sound it would not be the same

No more Dolby, nor DTS or DVD Audio I dread

For I knew in that instant my transport was dead

There sat my prized player with faint pulsing glow

Then Ma sighed and said "Aw, now no Christmas shows!"

I said "Now just wait, there just must be a way."

So I pushed every button and shoved in the tray

But it was just no use for this old piece of gear

We'll most certainly miss A Christmas Story this year

So I turned off the player and unplugged all the cords

And placed it downstairs on a pile of boards

I returned to the den and sat down feeling sad

Then Ma said "Cheer up! It's Christmas - be glad!"

I said "You are right," and we finished our drinks

Then we both drifted off and caught 40 winks

I awoke in the morn to the sounds of pure joy

As our kids rushed the tree and saw all their toys

They looked out the window at the new fallen snow

Their faces all lit with a wondrous glow

Ma brought in coffee and hot chocolate and cake

But the kids were excited - and no way would they wait

They ran straight for the gifts, yelling with glee

"Santa's come! Santa's come! Just look at our tree!"

I sat down next to Ma and sipped on my drink

I gave her a nod and she gave me a wink

We watched on with awe as the wrapping papers flew

At the rate they were going they soon would be through

Their eyes were like lanterns as they brightly beamed

For they were so happy and got all that they dreamed

And at last it was over and all was unwrapped

They climbed on the couch and sat on our laps

And both together they shouted out loud

"Let's watch a movie, Pop, let's watch one right now!"

And then my heart sank as remembered last night

I said "Kids, we can't" and then told them my plight

They both looked so sad and started to get down

When all of a sudden my jaw hit the ground

Ma yelled out "Hey look, right over there!"

And the little one exclaimed, "I knew Santa was here!"

Completely surprised, I just laughed to myself

For a new player sat there right on top of the shelf

I walked over closer and there was a card

So I reached out and took it my hands shaking hard

I read it out loud not stopping to pause

It said " Merry Christmas to Pop from Old Santa Claus."