Exciting New AV Gear Debuts at CES 2017 Revolutionizes Home Audio

Audioholics is always at the forefront when it comes to finding innovative new audio products. Our industry experts search out the latest and greatest, and we separate the serious, significant products from the snake oil and the frivolous. Here is just a sampling of some of the ingenious new custom speaker items (and more) we have an advanced scoop on that will debut at next year’s Consumer Electronics Show that may just revolutionize your two-channel audiophile experience.

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Triad CommodeSub - a Better Alternative to Laxatives

Triad Royal Flush CommodeSub

Until now, hiding a real subwoofer in the bathroom was difficult to impossible. The Royal Flush CommodeSub assures extended, full bass for maximum listening pleasure during those personal moments where 70 Hz bass just isn’t enough to get the job done. The waterproof enclosure fits neatly into the toilet tank, and it displaces two gallons of water, qualifying as environmentally friendly, and respecting the Thiele-Small parameters. The handsome metal grill features a unique integrated SplashGard‚ to protect the woofer from inadvertent damage from “whatever.” Why settle for just surfing on your smartphone when you can have real bass as well? The Royal Flush comes with a long-throw 8” driver and a separate 200-watt Class D amplifier that fits neatly into a vanity or behind the toilet tank. Retail price, $1600.

Get Your Rocks Off with RBH Sound Rock Speakers

RBH Mega Genuine Rock Speaker

While other speaker companies offer cheesy plastic, fiberglass, or paper mache outdoor ”rock” speakers, the Mega entry into this niche is the real deal. Using a 3,165 lb. boulder not only lends a substantial, authentic look, it almost totally eliminates the need for internal cabinet bracing, for solid, authoritative sound. The hefty speaker is offered in genuine red sandstone responsibly harvested from government lands in Southern Utah, granite, limestone, and also marble (at a considerable extra charge.) Whether your yard theme is igneous or sedimentary, RBH has a rock speaker for you! Grills and frames are hand painted to blend in and virtually disappear.

Retail price, $1799 plus $1,499 shipping. No export or air freight orders, please. 

Weber Grill Speakers Plays Sizzling Good Tunes

Weber Burgermeister 1000 Fireproof Speaker

This fire-rated wireless speaker has built-in amplification and equalization to punch through the treble-masking noise of raw meat sizzling on the grill. A special high-temperature Teflon paint will maintain the Burgermeister 1000’s good looks even after serenading hundreds of greasy burgers, not to mention easy clean-up. This unique speaker is perfect for backyard barbeques or tailgate parties. Drag out the Ted Nugent CDs...As The Nug says, “Kill it and grill it!”

Retail price, $600 each, for either gas or charcoal grills.

Play Chilling Tunes with the FridgeTunes Speaker System

Whytevann FridgeTunes Satellites

Who amongst us hasn’t stood naked in front of their open refrigerator at 2:00 AM gulping orange juice straight from the container in stark silence? Now you can enjoy your favorite music while standing there reading those informative nutritional information labels, and trying to decide upon which leftovers to eat that your wife told you to leave alone. “Don’t eat that…that’s for a meal!”  FridgeTunes works to temperatures as low as 10-below, yet the sound is warm. And‚ they’re THX-certified, and you know what that means! (We don’t either.) The standard FridgeTunes finish is Mundane Appliance White, but they can be ordered in classic appliance colors such as stainless, peach, turquoise, or even avocado (for homes built in the '60s.)

Retail price, $600 each.

Kill Vibrations with this Record Weight that can be Re-Purposed for the Gym

Iron Maiden Record Weight

This precision-cast (at 2,800 degrees F) iron record weight, when used with optional polymer turntable mat, effectively damps all vinyl resonance. With a density of 7.87 g cm⁻³ and a weight of 3 lbs., your records are rendered acoustically inert, reducing all ringing and overhang, resulting in astonishing detail, more authoritative bass, with midrange so pure you will plotz. With a relative atomic mass of 55.845, the Iron Maiden easily kills all extraneous vibration in your records. It can also be used to kill unwanted intruders or used on a dumbbell for wrist curls.

As effective as the Iron Maiden is for controlling vinyl resonance, it can also be used as a nifty doorstop, or even in conjunction with other weights for use in light exercise. Available also in seven optional Rust-Oleum colors, to deter rust.

Retail Price,  $395.

Enhance your Bubble Bath with these Bathtub Speakers

Audio Anomalies StereoTub Speakers

The new waterproof StereoTub Speakers provide a discrete full-range bathroom audio solution. This is the ultimate speaker for anyone who enjoys music during a marathon bath, playing bathtub karaoke, or just enjoying a private hour away from their mate, gently fondling their rubber ducky.

Sold in mirror-imaged matched pairs, the StereoTub speakers are $700 retail.

Miscellaneous Products

Other products that showed promise at CES included a new digital cable from the Esoteric Cosmic Nirvana Cable Company who claim that by separating the digital zeros from the ones and then reassembling them at the cable termination, the purity of the digital signal is properly maintained. Other digital cables, from TosLink to HDMI, mix the zeros and ones together, causing a blurred and less coherent sound. The digital zeros are carried in an oxygen-free vacuum-sealed 1” thick cable, while the ones travel in parallel via a separate cryogenically treated cable which is said to not slow down the flow of ones, as conventional cables do. Everyone knows that ones are slower than zeros, mostly because of a higher friction-induced coefficient of drag. Don't forget our very own GLOB cable system with patented IBS technology.

Another exciting product we had great hopes for; a large subwoofer designed for use in a baby’s crib; has been abandoned, mostly due to liability exposure. The “Baby’s First Subwoofer” seemed like a viable idea initially, but they had an "incident" during sinewave testing with a live subject, and abruptly ceased development. They may start the project again, depending upon the results of the pending litigation. The lawyers for Baby’s First Subwoofer are the same team that recently successfully defended the owners of a Kentucky rattlesnake petting zoo in a class-action personal injury lawsuit, so stay tuned!